Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
