it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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