I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
