I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
