dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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