Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Church boner. Awkwardddd
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
