I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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