i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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