there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
