Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I don't deserve a penis
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
