If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
