There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
