i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
