He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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