11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
