butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
