Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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