OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
