Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we're making bets on your personal life
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
