dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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