Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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