Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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