Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i out mim tonsoeep
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