things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
