How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
