Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
