dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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