Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
