Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
