Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
