There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize