She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize