dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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