I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
