As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize