Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
