went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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