he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
