i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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