My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
