we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
