so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
