In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
