have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
