Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
a search helicopter?!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
