I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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