The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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