White coat. Heels.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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