I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You left your phone here
Wait...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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