I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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