1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
