how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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