Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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