I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
