Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
