The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
