It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
