Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
