the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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