The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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