Got a toothbrush?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
