i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
