even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
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