I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
