so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
