she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
