Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
