honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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