Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
